Zenaida "Julie" Cosme
Kensington Welfare Rights Union
Philadelphia, PA
Hello, my name is Zenaida Cosme. I am the mother of five children: four boys and a girl. In january 1999, I came to live to Philadelphia with a friend that after a while kicked me out of her house and since I had no place to go I lived under a bridge, with my five kids for two weeks, suffering from hunger and cold. One morning, my friend´s aunt saw me under the bridge and called my name. I came out from under the cardboard that served as a roof for my children, and when I told her what had happened she offered her house for me and my babies. She helped me find an apartment but I had the bad luck that after two weeks there it burned down; again I was homeless and desperate, so I decided to go to a shelter.
“My kids were taken away from me, not because I had problems with drugs or alcohol, but because I was in the hospital. ”
There, I called my family asking them for help but they just turned their backs on me and I was so desperated and depressed that the only thing I wanted at that moment was to die; so I tried to kill myself. I kissed my babies goodbye, locked myself in the shelter´s bathroom and tried to hang myself. My oldest son suspected something so he called the people that´s in charge of the shelter and when they went into the bathroom I was already unconscious.
When I woke up in the hospital, the doctor told me that I had been in a coma for 68 days. I asked about my children and the people at the hospital told me that my brother was taking care of them. I came out of the hospital and went back to the shelter with my kids.
In may 1999, two weeks after that incident, I had a nervous breakdown and went back to the hospital. This time, luck was not on my side because my family didn´t accept to take care of my kids so DHS (Department of Human Services) took them away from me. Fortunately, my youngest baby, the girl, was in New Jersey with my brother at the time, so they weren´t able to take her. As soon as I got out of the hospital, I went to see the social worker and she told me that I would have to fight for my children´s custody in court, which I have been doing ever since.
DHS lied to me so many times just because I didn´t speak english and by telling me they would help me find a house for my children and I. At the end of 2000, I was able to get a house for 600 dollars a month. When I notified DHS, they came to see the house but told me it wasn´t the right place to have my children, so I started looking for another house that fulfilled the new requirement. But every time I got a new house, they would come up with a new excuse saying it wasn´t the right type of place, keep looking is what they would say to me. In 2002 I decided to ask for KWRU (Kensington Welfare Rights Union) for help, and since then they have been supporting and helping me get a house and my children´s custody.
On August 22, 2005, the juge decided that a 2 bedroom house wasn´t big enough for my children and that I would need a 3 bedroom house which KWRU is helping me to find; but they didn´t give me my children.
Out of the four boys DHS took away from me I only have two left, because my 15 year old son requested adoption by the family whom he lives with, and the 18 year old got married. If necessary, I will fight to the death to recover my other two boys, ages 11 and 12. My kids were taken away from me, not because I had problems with drugs or alcohol, but because I was in the hospital. Even tough I never mistreated my children this people showed no mercy and felt no pitty for my situation.
The judge has decided that I have until december of this year to find a 3 bedroom house or else they will put them up for adoption, because it´s been over 6 years since they were taken away from me. I don´t think that it is fare for one to lose, that, which one most adores in this life.
There are a lot of things which a woman thinks when she is in this type of situation, and there are times when you don´t know what else to do. Sometimes I think I´d rather be dead than keep suffering for not having my children with me, but I will never show them my suffering. On october 7 2005, the woman that takes care of my babies gave me the opportunity to take them with me for the weekend, mostly because they insisted so much on seeing their mom and sister and because she understood my suffering. She did this without the authorization of DHS because she knew that if I asked for permission they would deny it. She told me she would give me the kids with only one condition; that I had to bring them back, so I said “yes, they will only spend the weekend with me”.
The two days the kids spent in the house with me, I felt very very happy but at the same time very sad because I knew it was only one weekend and that after that they would have to go back to the foster home. During those days I watched my kids play around, jump, laugh, eat with such joy that when the weekend ended they didn´t want to leave.
It hurt so much having to explain to my children they had to return to their other house because they weren´t allowed to stay with me, but I also told them it wouldn´t be long before we were together again forever; they understood and agreed to leave. What suffering it was saying goodbye to my children not knowing when I´ll be able to be with them for good, but I hope to God that KWRU will be able to help me get an adequate house before it´s too late.
It´s really difficult for me having to celebrate Mother´s Day with just one of my 5 kids. Other holidays are also very difficult...birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving.. I spend those days thinking of my babies: if they are ok, if they are eating well, how are they been treated and thousands of things a mother thinks when she is worried. Sometimes I talk to my kids, but obviously it´s not the same talking to them on the phone than be able to have them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Taking to them is very painful for me; I am only allowed to visit them twice a month and it is even more painful to know that they are already old enough to understand that this visits are always too short.
This is my story. Fighting by myself and also with KWRU´s support, for what I most want in this life, my adored treasure, my children.
Thank You