"Amanda" (anonymous testimony read by Jesse Vear)
Portland Organizing to Win Economic Rights
Portland, Maine
“I was in the middle of a major health crisis that nearly killed me, but instead of helping me, they treated me like a criminal and took away my children”
My name is Amanda. I’m 25 years old, I live in Portland, Maine, and I’m a POWER member. I can't give you my real name. But I really want you to hear my story. Practically all of my rights have been violated, including my basic right to have a family and raise my children.
I’m the mother of three beautiful girls. Even though I’m a good mother and I’ve always done the best I could for them, the Department of Human Services [DHS] took my children away for circumstances beyond my control.
I’ve been doing everything I could to get them back, and believe me I’m still fighting. But no matter what I do, it’s never good enough for DHS. To make matters worse, my Disability benefits were cut off over a year and a half ago. I’m missing a leg and I’m in a wheelchair, but somehow they decided I was no longer disabled. So here I am, stuck in a wheelchair, trying to get all the right court papers filed and get to all these meetings and appointments across town, and I don’t even have $1.25 for the bus. It’s really been hell.
I’m not a stranger to having to struggle. I grew up in a very poor family and I can’t remember a time when life wasn’t difficult. But my real trouble started a couple years ago, when my second child was born. As a very young mother I had a lot of complications with my pregnancy. After my second child was born I never stopped bleeding. I tried to get help, but my doctor kept telling me it wasn’t serious, that I should just wait and it would go away. Little did I know, I was actually bleeding to death.
One day my mom called over to my house and my four-year-old told her I was sick and wouldn’t wake up. That scared the daylights out of my mom and she called the project’s nurse’s station for help. One of the nurses came but didn’t even bother to help me; she just scooped up the children and left. Eventually the other resident nurse came and brought a doctor, who had me rushed to the hospital for emergency blood transfusions. At the hospital they told me if it had been much longer I would’ve died.
When my mother went to pick up the girls from the nurse’s station, the cops were there waiting for her with a DHS worker. They told her I was guilty of neglect and they were putting my children in foster care. We were shocked – I was in the middle of a major health crisis that nearly killed me, but instead of helping me, they treated me like a criminal and took away my children. Less than one week later, because DHS took my children, Public Housing evicted me.
During this time I stayed doubled up with family and friends while I tried my best to get my girls back. DHS said if I did everything they told me, they would give me custody again. So, despite these difficult circumstances, I followed their orders. I went to appointments, counseling, and even parenting classes. But no matter how much I did or how hard I tried, it was never good enough.
Then I had another major health crisis. I fell, causing internal bleeding and swelling in my leg. I spent two months in the hospital, where they eventually amputated my leg. When they finally released me, I had nowhere to go but to stay with my mother, who also lived in Public Housing. It violated her lease, but I had nowhere else to live, and I needed to be under a nurse’s care after the operation. Housing found out I was staying there and threatened my mother with eviction. They told her she had no choice but to send me to a homeless shelter or else she’d be thrown out. Well at that point my mother went down and filed a discrimination suit with HUD, and finally Housing was forced to get me a place of my own.
But that place was on the 15th floor of a 16-story elderly housing complex, where they don’t even allow children. They put me there knowing that what I really needed was a handicapped-accessible apartment big enough for myself and my two children. It’s the ultimate catch-22: Housing says I must have custody of my children before I’m eligible for a large enough apartment, and DHS says I must have a large enough apartment before I’m eligible to have custody of my children.
The following year I gave birth to my third child – another beautiful, healthy baby girl. I was so happy when she was born. But my happiness didn’t last long. Without any warning, just as we were about to leave the hospital, DHS workers came with the police and took her from me. Just like that, they took my newborn baby right out of my arms. They never even gave me a chance. Since then she was eventually adopted. I can’t tell you how it breaks my heart. There just aren’t words.
And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Social Security made some mistake in my paperwork and cut off my Disability benefits. According to them, I’m no longer disabled. That was over 18 months ago. Since then they finally admitted their mistake, but they still haven’t reinstated my benefits. I call and I call and they keep telling me ‘just wait another month.’ Along with my Social Security, they automatically cut off my Medicaid and food stamps. I did eventually get those back, but that alone took 9 months.
My mother helps me as much as she can, but she’s barely got enough to live on as it is. I can’t tell you how hard it has been just to survive these past 18 months, especially since it just feels so hopeless.
How can anybody be expected to live like this? I’m a human being. I’m not a criminal – I never broke the law. This is supposed to be a free country – how can they take away your own children and not give them back, when you never did anything wrong? How can they take away your housing, or your healthcare, or your benefits? Can’t they see I need these things just to live? Thank you for hearing my story.